do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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