I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
