Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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