At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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