Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
