so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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