I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
