cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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