i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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