dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
