He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
