I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
