TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
