im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
