I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
