She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize