why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
