i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
