my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
