new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize