Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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