he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
