Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
