The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
