Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Boobs are out for the taking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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