just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
