So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
