I didn't shave. On purpose
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
