is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
