Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
