last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
