I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
