i don't plan on having that self control this summer
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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