come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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