11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
