Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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