They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
