TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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