Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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