Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
