Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
