oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
