Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How naked do you want me to be?
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