Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
