i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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