why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
