I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
