Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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