I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
