At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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