this beer tastes like vomit already
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
