Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
