there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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