I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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