I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
