I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh god it's open bar.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
