I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
