No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
