peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
