just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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