she was so not down for the gang bang
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
