You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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